Do I wanna know?
by kthefangirl
Summary: This takes place after 5X06. Basically, a conversation that Bellamy and Clarke need to have about things that a happening now and how things have changed.


A/N: This takes place after 5X06 and shows an interaction between Bellamy and Clarke that I feel needs to happen somehow. Not only do I think they need to talk about Octavia and the threat she poses now (I love Octavia and I'm sure we'll understand more later but she's not great right not) but I think they haven't really dealt with the fact that they were separated for 6 years and that that has to have some impact on their relationship. I got this idea when I heard Dua Lipa's cover of Do I Wanna Know by the Arctic Monkeys which I highly recommend, Also if you read my other fic, I've decided to take a break since my inspiration is avoiding me currently. So sorry for the wait.

After they were sure that Madi would be safe, Bellamy angry in a way that he hadn't been in a very long time. Angry in a way that only Clarke could only ever seem to make him, even after being separated for longer than they were together.

He let his rage simmer until they could get Madi out of the blood-soaked bunker and back to the tent she was sharing with Clarke.

"What were you thinking, Madi? You're the last real natblida and there are still followers of the flame."

"It's okay, Clarke. I told her I didn't want to be commander and she thanked me for being honest. I'm Wonkru now," she said with a sense of pride that made Bellamy's skin crawl.

He didn't recognize his sister anymore. Gone was the girl who loved him replaced with the Red Queen that threatened to kill him without a hint of remorse in her eyes. He knew Madi getting involved with her and the fanatics of Wonkru would be a dangerous mistake.

"I know she was your favorites from the stories but she isn't the same person she was before," Clarke said with a confidence he wished he had and then quieter, "Six years is a long time. People change."

Maybe not as much as she thought they did he thought bitterly.

Madi looked at him helplessly, wanting him to defend his sister. But as angry as he was with Clarke he agreed with her. His sister was different now and she would see Madi as a threat that had to be dealt with.

"Clarke's right," he ground out," at least about this."

Clarke shot him a look and he stared right back at her. He knew she knew exactly what he meant.

The tension between the two was building just like it used to and had been since they'd been in Polis. This city seemed to do that to them.

Madi sighed and accepted at least temporary defeat," I had to save you, Clarke. And now that I'm part of Wonkru she won't hurt me."

They were clearly not going to get anywhere with Madi tonight so Bellamy gave Clarke a look that said 'we need to talk'. And left to wait outside the tent.

"If I come back here and you're missing, you don't want to know what will happen," Clarke told the young girl with a protectiveness in her voice that Bellamy had almost forgotten about.

They walked from the tent together with tension so thick he was sure his sister's worshipers could feel it as they walked by. They kept going until they found somewhere private, knowing there was a conversation to be had that others didn't need to hear. Eventually, they stopped under part of a collapsed building.

Then it erupted. The anger he felt at her for wanting to leave without him, his anger at himself for doing the same to her, his anger at Octavia and the world for making her that way. It all came out in one spectacular wave, his own personal Praimfaya.

"What the hell were you thinking? If you go back there they will kill you or torture you for information." He shouted getting closer and closer to Clarke just like he had in their first days on this planet. The first time.

"I'm sorry your head is too far up your ass to see that your sister would kill my daughter in order to keep her cult in line. I didn't have a choice, Bellamy. It was either face death or let the only person I had for six god damn years be killed or turned into a monster."

"I do see her, Clarke. I see what she's done and I saw that fucking gladiator ring she had set up. I know she's not who she was, but are you going to give up that easily?" He knew that wasn't a fair shot but he couldn't help it."

His words seemed to set something off in her and her eyes sparked. He loved that. She scoffed at him, "I have never given up. I didn't give up when I was alone on this planet for 6 months with days between food and water and I didn't give up when everything I dreamed about for six years turned to shit. I did what I had to do to protect the people I love."

He stumbled back at her words. She's told him she had Madi, and that was true, but she had been alone for the first 6 months. Which meant that Madi had also been alone. Bellamy had been through a lot, but the thought of Clarke and the young girl that already held his heart being completely alone was almost enough to break him.

She continued," Did you honestly think things between me and Octavia would smooth themselves out? She's already marked me as an enemy of Wonkru in everything but name, Bellamy. She will try to kill me the first chance she gets. You would have had to choose between the two of us and so would the rest of you, so I made the choice and took you all out of danger and saved Madi."

Now he could feel tears pricking at his eyes. Her message was clear. She thought that if it came down to it and Octavia decided Clarke was a threat that none of them would choose her. Of course, he loved his sister and never wanted to be on the opposing side but he could see who she'd become. He knew everyone else would choose Clarke too, she was one of them and the only reason any of them were alive.

"You're one of us, Clarke. We have your back, you don't have to run. Without you, we all would have died six years ago."

"You don't owe me your loyalty, Bellamy, none of you do. I did what I did out of love. I never expected anything in return. Things change, people change and so do their alliances."

The idea that she thought he was only loyal to her because of what she'd done for him shook him to his core.

"You don't get it, do you? You were one of us before any of this happened. Back when it was just the 100 and you're still one of us now. You're the reason there is an us at all. You don't have to do anything for me to be loyal to you. No matter how much you've changed or I've changed we haven't."

"But we have. Can't you see that? I became a mother and you had them and there's six years worth of things I'm not a part of and never can be. I'm six years behind the rest of you."

He wasn't sure when they stopped yelling at each other but now they were close and they were talking quietly. He reached out smoothed her hair down leaving his hand at the base of her neck. A tear rolled down her face and he could feel his own building up.

"Those years were hell. There wasn't one day up there when I didn't think 'I'm only able to this because I killed her',"she made a move to protest but he rushed forward, "No, Clarke, I know you were okay with it but I still made that decision. There wasn't a day that you weren't on my mind. Not a single day. So even though you don't know it, you were there every step of the way."

She laughed, but it was broken,"So were you. I tried to tell you I was alive. I tried to tell you that by some miracle I had made it through the Death Wave and that I missed you and hoped you were okay. I told you about my days and how lonely I got sometimes, even with Madi," She started sobbing now and he could feel the wetness of tears on his own face as he pulled her into a tight hug. They way only they could.

"We could never get the coms to work through the radiation," he responded with so much regret his stomach turned.

"I figured."

"When did you stop?"

"Day 2,199. When they captured me."

He pulled back," You radioed every day?"

She nodded and gave him a watery smile, "I never knew if you got them but I wanted you to be there with me. And with Madi."

He pulled her back in and buried his face in her hair. Standing here, now, was the first time in six years that he felt like he would be able to get through the things ahead of him. Things were still broken and he knew that in the morning things would be different but the night was made for saying things you couldn't say in the day anyway.

"I love you, and I'm sorry I ever left," he felt her tense in his arms but she didn't pull away," but I'm here now and so are you so after we save the world again we have six years worth of catching up to do."

A/N: Bellamy's confession here can be read however you like. It can be seen as romantic or not. Even if you don't think they are in love you have to admit that they love each other.


End file.
